Fun

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New pictures

Of course, yesterday, when I went to take Easter pictures, my camera batteries were dead. My aunt took some so I will get them from her one of these days. These pics are from the zoo. Blogger is doing something weird where I can't see the pics when I download them, just text. So I will just tell you about them here. The one of Jordan flying through the air I just thought was funny. I think Luke took it. The others are at the playground at the zoo. Stephen and I were talking and we looked over and Luke was pushing Cammie. They were smiling at each other and laughing. The pic doesn't show that of course;) Hope everyone had a great Easter! HE IS RISEN!!

Really?

I just heard this on TV. "Discover your inner Pokemon!" Seriously?

Sounds...

Tonight, while I sit at the computer, I am listening to different sounds. The dishwasher, the dryer, Claire's nebulizer. Her allergies kicked in today after missing her allergy medicine Saturday night. And all these sounds make me realize one thing...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. God is so good and He is so real to me.

I have had to go back and revisit the question, "Why do I believe in God?" I have reconnected with a girl that was in our youth group in White House, TN. Her beliefs have changed dramatically. I don't think I could breathe without my relationship with God. I honestly don't know how someone comes to the conclusion that He isn't real or doesn't exist. But I also need to be able to tell people why I believe what I believe. So I am working on it.

What I do know is that He is real, His word is truth, and you can trust Him. Everytime in everything.

I believe...

God did call me to homeschool. I am confident of this. I can't share much tonight, because it is almost 10 p.m. and I need to get to bed. But I just wanted to share that things are much better in my mind. I know God called me here, and He is equipping me with exactly what I need to make this work. He is faithful. Trust Him. More later.

Struggling...

Sometimes I really struggle with what to write here. I started this blog as an attempt to keep out of town family up to date on the kids. Then it became more of a journal of things that I was going through. I am also not sure if I want to share everything I am feeling, because I don't know who all reads this and if I would really want everyone to know what is going through my head. That having been said...

When we decided to bring the kids home, I was confident that God was telling us to do this. I thought we had prayed about it and the signs looked very clear at the time. Now, I am not so sure. Was God actually telling us to bring them home? Was He telling us to just pull them from the school where they were and put them back at their old school? Was I really praying about it at all?

I would like to believe that the reason this has been so hard is because I am in God's will so Satan is just having fun with me. That is the explanation that makes me feel better about this anyway. But I am wondering if I heard Him wrong. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Alice, if you are reading this, I don't know how you have done it successfully all these years. I question daily whether or not to put the kids back in school. Are they learning everything they need to be? Right now, the answer is no. Are they happy? Would they be happier with friends? Can I be selfless enough to make this work?

I honestly have no idea. I just know that today, I don't know if I made the right decision. I don't know if they are better off being at home with me. I don't know if keeping them at home will turn out to be the best thing we've ever done, or if it will turn out to be a huge mistake that we have to learn from. I have great kids; I just want what's best for them, and right now, I am not sure what that is.

New pictures

I took these pictures on Saturday when the weather was so beautiful. We are ready for Spring! This was also the first time Campbell was in the swing. She loved it!

Crazy couple of weeks...

Yes, these last couple of weeks have been crazy, but I can't really tell you anything specific we did. School is getting better, more organized. We are trying to stay on more of a schedule. I hope it works. For all you mothers out there who have homeschooled for a while, my hat is off to you. IT'S SOOOO HARD!!!! I know it will be worth it if we can make it work, but MAN it's hard.

One thing that I have realized over the last week or so is that I am selfish. (No comment, Stephen!!) There are so many things that I want to be doing. I want to be able to work out more than 2 days a week. I want to be able to meet my friends for lunch when all their kids are in school, but never do because I have all my kids with me. I want to be able to run to the mall without having to take half the day getting out of the house. I want my house to stay clean for more than 30 minutes.

Now, let me say before I get anyone criticizing me, I know how completely blessed I am. I have four healthy kids. I get to spend my time with them. God has entrusted them to me to teach how to love Him. I have a husband that works hard so I can stay home with my kids, which is my lifelong dream. I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, amazing friends, loving family, the list goes on and on.

I am not really sure what my point was in between starting this post and getting the kids breakfast ;) I guess it was just to get my feelings down. I am struggling right now with feeling like I am trapped in a way, not being able to do some of the things I really want to do because of my obligations. On the other hand, I love my "obligations" and really wouldn't trade where I am. Does every mother go through this at some point? I think so.

I'm still here...

I feel like we haven't been doing very much lately. We took a few days off of school. We switched math programs and our new books hadn't gotten here yet. Monday, we should be able to hit the ground running.

Jordan got his expanders put in his mouth yesterday. Stephen has been calling him money mouth. He has to wear them for a year, and then he will get braces. At least that is the plan for now. He thinks it's cool right now, but that probably won't last long.

Claire is still bored being the only girl. Since Campbell can't really play with her yet, she still considers herself the only one. I try to have special girl times with her, but my time is spread thin these days.

Luke is cracking us up. He says the funniest things. I mean to record them when they happen, but I can't get here right away, so I forget what he has said. I can't believe he will be three in June. Time is flying.

Speaking of time flying, Campbell is 9 months old! Claire asked me today how much time she had until her birthday and when I said that she only had three months until she was 1, it freaked me out. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. I knew it would, but it has still surprised me.

God is teaching us, blessing us, hopefully using us, and we know He loves us. We are overwhelmed with the blessing of our family. Everyday, I stop and tell myself how blessed I am to have such beautiful, healthy, loving kids. I get to spend my days with all of them. Sometimes it's hard, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Priorities

I have been thinking a lot about priorities lately. Since bringing the kids home from school, I have been really overwhelmed. I haven't done a lot of the things that I had planned. Homeschool hasn't been what I envisioned it to be. That having been said, I still feel we made the right decision. I still feel like God led us to bring them home and that He will equip me to be the mom/teacher/wife I need to be.

My point is this: Will He equip me if I don't ask Him to? I have always struggled in my prayer life. Actually, I don't have much of a prayer life. I can study my Bible all day long. I can worship all day long. My prayer life doesn't come naturally for me. So, I am wondering if the reason I am having so many struggles at home is because I don't spend time everyday praising God for who He is. I don't spend time thanking Him for everything He has done for me. I don't spend time praying for my kids and my husband. I don't spend time praying for Him to fill me with His Spirit so that I can be the woman He has called me to be. Is it any wonder I struggle? Is it any wonder I feel like I am failing? I don't think so.

God, I long to be the woman you want. I long to be the mom, homeschooler, wife, daughter, friend that you want. I want your light to shine through me. I want to be able to point others to you. I want to show my kids that having a relationship with you is unbelievable and something they don't want to live without. I have gotten away from you and I can feel it. In EVERYTHING. I want to hunger and thirst for you. I want to not be able to go through my day without praying to you and talking to you. I know that I am nothing without you. Nothing. What you did for me on the cross I'll never be able to repay you for, but I want to live my life for you. Infuse me with your spirit. Infuse me with your strength. I need you. I need you. I need you.

Keep praying...

Ashley isn't doing well. My heart breaks for that family and what they are going through right now. Please pray for them. Prayer, right now, is their only hope for their baby girl.

Ashley Adams

There is a precious little girl that desperately needs our prayers. I have been following her story for quite a while and it just breaks my heart today. Please go and pray for her.

www.ashleyadamsjournal.blogspot.com

Go vote!

Have you voted today? I was a little bummed that I didn't get a sticker. O well.

Birthday pictures

31...really?

Yes, I'm 31 today. I guess I can officially call myself an adult now. There's no denying it. Not much planned. We were going to the park today, but it's pouring down rain. O well.

Still waiting

The potential father has decided to wait until Monday to decide whether or not he wants to pursue paternity testing/challenging the adoption. In the meantime, Jillian is being released to interim care until he decides. Please keep praying for Keith and Lydia. They are having a really hard time.

More bad news...

My friends who are adopting the twin girls went to the hospital this morning to pick up one of the babies, and the lady from Bethany met them there. She said that a guy showed up saying he is the father and doesn't know if he wants to give up his parental rights. They thought another guy was the father and were just waiting to get his signed papers back. At least this is what I understand. Obviously, we don't have all the details yet. Anyway, this has been a huge blow because they thought they were done with this part. Please keep them in your prayers. I can't imagine what they must be going through.

Please, please pray for Lissy

My friend Lissy got her results back from the brain tumor they removed. I am not sure what the name if the tumor is, but is a 4 (on a scale of 1-4) and it will come back at some point. She will start chemo in pill form and radiation five times a week starting next week. They said that the type she has is most common in people over 50 and the life expectancy for that age group is around nine months. But since she is younger and in good health otherwise that she will have longer, but of course they can't make any promises. This was the worst possible news they could've gotten, so you can only imagine where they are right now. Actually, I can't imagine where they are right now. They have two young sons, Kindergarten and third grade I think. Please lift Lissy and Joel in your prayers. They are scared, but they are also people who trust God and know that he can take care of them.

Second blog

I have started another blog that will be dedicated to my adventures in homeschooling. I am having a hard time seeing what I am getting done, so I thought I would take some time, hopefully each day, to record the day's events. Hopefully, this will hold me accountable to actually doing some work! Anyway, if you want to follow along, the address is www.homeschoolblogger.com/shirley4. This blog will still be here, too.

Ouch...

I got myself a personal trainer for my birthday. We are getting more then we thought back from the IRS, so I decided to do this. I have been wanting to for a long time. Two of my friends from church were going and we got a group rate. So, we go Tuesdays and Thursdays for 30 minutes. We will do this for nine weeks, and then we can do another session if we want. It is going to be really good, but I can tell that I'll be sore tomorrow. Running is going well, but I haven't been as consistent as I'd like. I am supposed to go Mon, Tues, Wed and Friday. I have missed at least one day each week because of sick kiddos. But hopefully, I can stay on track from now on.

The kids are doing well. School is coming along. Unfortunately, I am having trouble finding a routine, but we're getting there. Jordan will be getting the first phase of orthodontics this month. I think they start with expanders. Anyway, that should be fun. He is so excited about it, but I think that's because he has no idea what he's in for ;)

Campbell is cutting her first tooth finally! She has been soooo fussy today. She still hates baby food. I think it's the texture. Not sure what to do about that. She just started sitting up, which was later than the other babies. I think, because I am busier, I don't have as much time to work with her like I did the others. I am trying to work this "practice time" into our daily schedule.

Well, that about covers it for us. Hope everyone is doing well. I haven't taken any pictures the last couple of weeks. Maybe I'll get some this week.