I have been thinking a lot about priorities lately. Since bringing the kids home from school, I have been really overwhelmed. I haven't done a lot of the things that I had planned. Homeschool hasn't been what I envisioned it to be. That having been said, I still feel we made the right decision. I still feel like God led us to bring them home and that He will equip me to be the mom/teacher/wife I need to be.
My point is this: Will He equip me if I don't ask Him to? I have always struggled in my prayer life. Actually, I don't have much of a prayer life. I can study my Bible all day long. I can worship all day long. My prayer life doesn't come naturally for me. So, I am wondering if the reason I am having so many struggles at home is because I don't spend time everyday praising God for who He is. I don't spend time thanking Him for everything He has done for me. I don't spend time praying for my kids and my husband. I don't spend time praying for Him to fill me with His Spirit so that I can be the woman He has called me to be. Is it any wonder I struggle? Is it any wonder I feel like I am failing? I don't think so.
God, I long to be the woman you want. I long to be the mom, homeschooler, wife, daughter, friend that you want. I want your light to shine through me. I want to be able to point others to you. I want to show my kids that having a relationship with you is unbelievable and something they don't want to live without. I have gotten away from you and I can feel it. In EVERYTHING. I want to hunger and thirst for you. I want to not be able to go through my day without praying to you and talking to you. I know that I am nothing without you. Nothing. What you did for me on the cross I'll never be able to repay you for, but I want to live my life for you. Infuse me with your spirit. Infuse me with your strength. I need you. I need you. I need you.