Sometimes I really struggle with what to write here. I started this blog as an attempt to keep out of town family up to date on the kids. Then it became more of a journal of things that I was going through. I am also not sure if I want to share everything I am feeling, because I don't know who all reads this and if I would really want everyone to know what is going through my head. That having been said...
When we decided to bring the kids home, I was confident that God was telling us to do this. I thought we had prayed about it and the signs looked very clear at the time. Now, I am not so sure. Was God actually telling us to bring them home? Was He telling us to just pull them from the school where they were and put them back at their old school? Was I really praying about it at all?
I would like to believe that the reason this has been so hard is because I am in God's will so Satan is just having fun with me. That is the explanation that makes me feel better about this anyway. But I am wondering if I heard Him wrong. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Alice, if you are reading this, I don't know how you have done it successfully all these years. I question daily whether or not to put the kids back in school. Are they learning everything they need to be? Right now, the answer is no. Are they happy? Would they be happier with friends? Can I be selfless enough to make this work?
I honestly have no idea. I just know that today, I don't know if I made the right decision. I don't know if they are better off being at home with me. I don't know if keeping them at home will turn out to be the best thing we've ever done, or if it will turn out to be a huge mistake that we have to learn from. I have great kids; I just want what's best for them, and right now, I am not sure what that is.