I am reading this book called Body Clutter. If you are familiar with Fly Lady, it's the same woman. The book is on weight loss. It is really good. Last night when I was reading, something struck me that I hadn't thought of before. She was saying that one of the first things you need to do when trying to lose weight is learn to love yourself. We can't love others until we love ourselves. We won't take care of something that we don't love. Just like clutter in our homes. If it's something we don't really care about, we just shove it in a corner and let it collect dust. If we don't love ourselves, we will not do the things we need to do for ourselves to live the best life we can.
I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before, but it really hit me between the eyes. I started thinking about all the things that I feel like I don't do well. Things I fail at. I failed at homeschool. I fail at talking nicely to my children. I fail at keeping my home like I should. I fail my friends. And all these things have made me love myself less and less, until I just quit taking care of myself. For those of you that know me, you know that weight gain scares me because of my family's history. Most, actually all, of the women on my mom's side of the family are overweight. It isn't only that I want to be a certain size, or that I want to look a certain way. Though that is certainly part of it. I just don't want to end up having all the health problems that I know come with it. I don't want Claire and Campbell to end up having to deal with these same issues when they get older. I don't worry about the boys as much because I already see how much they want to be like their daddy. They have a very good role model in him. But I do worry about the girls. And I worry about me.
How do we get to a point that we start turning things around? How do we learn to love ourselves again? Have any of you been there? If you have, how did you get out of it? Right now I am in one of those neverending vicious cycles and I can't seem to bring myself to the place where I know I need to be. I want to change, but I want it to be permanent. Any suggestions? Advice?