Campbell sent me an e-mail

I got an e-mail that said Campbell wanted to tell me something. Awwwwwww...

Life...

I don't understand how things work sometimes. I try and try and try to live my life like I am supposed to. And I know that the testing of our faith is supposed to make us stronger. I guess, today, I just don't feel like being tested. :) I am so exhausted. As much as I may like my job, I do not like being gone from my family full-time. It has pretty much sucked the life out of me. Stephen is doing a great job at home, and my work is going well. But I don't think I will ever get used to this arrangement. And I know that Stephen wants to be the one providing as well. But right now, we are doing what we have to do and taking things one day at a time. I guess the only answer is to trust God to work things out in His time and not ours. My problem is that my trust in Him and my faith is weak. Not because of Him, but because of me. Not sure how to get back to where I used to be...guess I just wanted to get these thoughts down.

UGH

I had to be one of those friend tonight that had to tell someone that I loved them, but they are making some really poor decisions. They didn't want to hear what I had to say. I am not sure I wanted to say it, but I don't feel like I had a choice. My heart hurts.

Been a long time...

I was reading back through my blog yesterday. I almost don't even know that person anymore. Things in my life are so incredibly different now that I don't even remember some of those feelings that I had. I have gone back to work full-time. And when I say full-time, I mean I leave my house at 6:15 and the earliest I ever get home is 5:20. Most days closer to 6. I don't know what's going on at the kids' school. I don't know what's going on with any of my friends or their kids. It's just really strange. I am very thankful for my job and the new friends I have made there, but it's just really different. Maybe Stephen will be able to find a job soon and I can come back home again, but I am not sure, even if he does find a job, that things will ever be the same.

Luke started Kindergarten this year. It is SO hard to fathom how fast these 5 years have gone by. I was looking at one of the first posts on here. Stephen had gotten me a digital camera for Mothers' Day because I had started this blog and he wanted me to be able to post pictures on here. Luke was almost a year old and the most precious littly baby boy. I almost didn't even remember that. He used to make this face where he would wrinkle his nose and it was so cute!

I also found pics of Claire's first day of school. She looks SO little!!! And I found a pic of Jordan and Luke and they looked like babies. I guess because they were :) Jordan will be 11 in December so he certainly doesn't look like a baby anymore. Campbell was about the sweetest thing you have ever seen.

So, all of that to say, I woke up today and found myself in a whole new world. It's one I don't recognize and one that I thought would be forever getting here. I am still supposed to be that young skinny mom taking my babies to playgroup and coming home and making lunch, then naps, then more playing...the simple life. I miss it so badly I can hardly stand it. Most days, I feel like I don't know how to be a mom of big kids. I always wanted to be a mom, but I just never pictured the growing up part, just the baby part. And now to feel like I am missing the last of the baby/toddler stuff just about does me in.

Now that all that venting is over, I would like to take this time to brag on my husband. While this isn't the ideal situation for either of us, I do think when I can take a step back and look, we are both doing a pretty good job of handling things. Does he want to be at home with the kids right now? Probably not, just like I don't really want to be working. But usually when I get home from work, on the nights he doesn't have a soccer game, he has the living room/kitchen picked up, dinner almost done, homework on its way to being finished, so that I can come home and not be totally overwhelmed. Just like when I was home, some days go better than others :) But he is doing an amazing job and I don't ever feel like he is taking what I am doing for granted. He is also writing his column agan, which I am so happy about! He is an amazing writer and gets so much satisfaction from doing it. Even if he does "stir the pot" a bit with his column ;)

Anyway, I realized how much I missed writing out my thoughts and how much it used to help me get these feelings down on paper and move on from them. So here I am. Not sure how often I will be writing, but hopefully it won't be months again.

What Do I Know of Holy?

I heard this song today for the first time and it knocked me to my knees. SO good! It's by Addison Road.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Lissy Edmonson...1968-2009

My sweet friend, Lissy, passed away last night after a long fight with cancer. I have been thinking all morning about her and how she lived her life. She loved God first. So much that it just radiated through everything she did. Watching her as a wife to Joel and a mother to Jackson and Mason was so special. She loved them so much. But the part that sticks out to me today is just how she lived each day. She didn't try to be like anyone else, compare herself to others, but she lived each day to be the best Lissy she could be. So, from today on, I am going to try to live my life to the glory of God and be the best "me" that I can be for Him. Thank you, Lissy, for living your life in such a way that makes us all want to be better people and strive each day to bring glory and honor to God. You will be deeply missed, but your legacy lives on.

Hair poll...

Not that any of you are still reading, but if you are, I am taking a hair poll. I have let my hair grow out some and have also let my bangs grow out. And now I am bored :) If you were me, would you go short with no bangs or longer with bangs? Here are two pictures to give you examples. Thanks!


http://jaimepressly.nu/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/jamie_pressly_317a564b9931796092003.jpg

http://www.hairboutique.com/tips/images/_MG_8910_250h.jpg

Wow...I did it!! (longer post than anticipated :))

Well, I set out this past week to change my household. I was tired of being exhausted at the end of the day from dealing with behavior problems. Problems that were there only because of my laziness and lack of consistency.

Luke, my 4 yr old, hadn't taken a regular nap since he was probably 2 1/2. And I just decided that there was NO reason he shouldn't be taking naps. I would always say, "Well, Luke doesn't take naps anymore. When he does, he just doesn't go to bed at night." NOT TRUE!! He would be a little nightmare by 5:00 and I just decided to make a change. So after the kids left for school Monday morning, Luke and I sat down and talked about our new schedule. He was a little upset that Mommy was going to make him "take a rest" but he didn't really worry about it too much right then. I told him we weren't going to whine anymore and he was going to obey Mommy. Right after that, something happened, I don't remember what, and he got whiny. So I immediately put him in time out and told him that behavior was not acceptable anymore. I turned around and walked out and told him I would talk to him when he was quiet. And then it happened...he got quiet!! HA!! I had done it. Playtime came, lunch time came, and then it was the dreaded naptime. I told him for the first day, he had to lay quietly for 20 minutes. If he stayed quiet and in his bed for that time, he would be able to get up. Well, he fell asleep that day and has taken 1.5 hour naps each day since then. I am telling you, I am like a new woman with almost 2 hours to myself every day!!

I also have stopped eating out and drinking coke. It's been 2 weeks tomorrow since I have eaten out (with one exception where both little kids got to eat free, big kids were at school) and 1 week since I have had any carbonation. I feel great.

Needless to say, it's been a big week in my house. I even cut out texting today. Those who know me know how big of a deal that is ;) But I just couldn't justify paying for it anymore.

So, this big long post to say...Yay ME!!! I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me HIS strength ;)

You're gonna miss this.

I took a quiz on Facebook tonight. "Which country song are you?" I have been complaining a lot lately about how much work I have at home, how the kids are driving me crazy, I don't have enough "me time". But tonight, after we got home from our closing, we were supposed to go out to eat with Stephen's mom and stepdad. Luke was really tired because we had been running around all day. So he was just losing it, meltdown after meltdown. Campbell was starting to lose it too. So we decided to just stay home and have a quiet night here, dinner at the table etc. After dinner we went to the park in our neighborhood and played for a bit. So, to my point...I came in and got on Facebook and took this quiz. I think God was trying to tell me something.

This was the song that best describes me: You're Gonna Miss This.

She was staring out that window, of that SUV

Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18

She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules

Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school

Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you


-Chorus-
You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These Are Some Good Times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this



Before she knows it she's a brand new bride

In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by

He tells her It's a nice place

She says It'll do for now

Starts talking about babies and buying a house

Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down


-Chorus-
You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These Are Some Good Times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this


Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater

Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'

One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'

She keeps apologizin'

He says They don't bother me.

I've got 2 babies of my own.

One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...


-Chorus-
You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These Are Some Good Times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna miss this

Yeah, you're gonna miss this

We are HOMEOWNERS!!!!!

After months, literally, of setbacks, we finally closed on our house today!! We have lived here as renters for 5 years, so I didn't expect it to feel different coming home after the closing. But it did. It was awesome!!! I am so thankful to God for providing this opportunity for us. I pray we use His blessings wisely.

So incredibly sad...

A long time friend of our family, Sherry Herald, passed away today. She has a daughter that's my age, her only child, Ashley. Please pray for Ashley and her family. Not sure what they are going to do without Sherry.

I am fighting the urge to go be with them. Why do I have so much going on that I can't get out of on days like this????? Ugh.

One overwhelmed mom...

I wanted to be a mom my entire life. I loved babies, always wanted to babysit, carry babies around at church, etc. And I love the fact that the only thing I ever wanted to do, I am doing right now.

I do not take my job for granted. I do not take the responsibility of raising my kids lightly. But right now, I am so overwhelmed. My house is a mess, MESS, there are no groceries in the house, my car is a mess, I don't feel good about myself physically, blah blah blah.

I know that there are millions of moms who feel the same way, but today, I feel alone in my struggle. How do you all cope with getting everything done, when really, all you want to do is lay down and watch a TV show without having to pause it 27 times? Please don't get me wrong, even with all the struggles, I still wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Just one of those days.

I'm back!!!

I thought I would take this Father's Day to restart my blog. I took a break for several reasons, but I have had so many people ask tell me I should get it going again. So, here I am.

First of all, Happy Father's Day to my sweet husband. He is working so hard out in the heat today refereeing soccer. But we celebrated last night. The kids got him some x-box games and cards. I think he liked them. He loves getting things that they can do together.

Happy Father's Day to Ray and PaPa (Stephen's dad and grandfather). We wish we were with you today. We miss you very much.

I spent the day with my dad and grandfather. I wasn't going to go, but I am glad I did. We ate lunch and then sat on the porch and watched the kids play. If any of you remember, their porch is my favorite place on earth. I needed to be there after the weekend I experienced.

My best friend Staci lost her dad on Thursday. He was one of the kindest men who ever lived. And he loved life. Please keep them in your prayers. Her grandfather is also in the hospital right now.

And last, my dad's childhood friend Sherry is in the hospital after several complications from a minor surgery, and the doctors have said there isn't anything else they can do for her. Please keep her, her daughter Ashley and the family in your prayers.

It's good to be back.

Some pics...

These are from Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Love is...

A group of kids ages 4-8 were asked what love is. These are their answers. I think the one about Christmas is my favorite.

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mom my and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on the stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives my Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody,
your eyelashes go up and
down and little stars come
out of you.'
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees
Daddy on the toilet and
she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Great article

I was surfing the web today and found this great article. I have been really down on myself lately for still having a few extra pounds. Yes, I know I have 4 kids. Anyway, this article was great and encouraging. Check it out.

Happy Birthday Jordan!!!

I can't believe Jordan is 9 today!! Where does the time go?

So incredibly thankful...

Fireproof

If you haven't seen it yet, GO!!! I am still processing my thoughts from the movie. I honestly didn't expect the reaction I had. And until this morning, I wasn't really sure why. There was a song in the movie that really spoke to me called "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I was listening to it again this morning for my quiet time and it hit me. I think God wanted me to see Fireproof for a reason other than to work on my marriage. Yes, he wants that, too. But I think He was telling me that I need to fireproof my relationship with Him.

One of the main lines in the movie is that fireproof doesn't mean the flames won't get to you, but that when they do, you will be able to withstand them. While Stephen and I have been under tremendous stress these last several months, we still have been confident that our marriage would be able to withstand the stress. We both come from divorced families, and we have always said that we would be willing to do whatever it takes to not let that happen to us. Even during those times where we don't like each other very much, we just know that we will make it.

But honestly, my relationship with God has suffered over these recent months. I haven't taken time to spend with Him. I have basically neglected Him. I have prayed, but I don't think I believed He was really listening or that He really cared. I haven't worked on our relationship at all. Yesterday, I was telling a friend that I was definitely in a valley with God. I wanted to feel Him, but I didn't. How do you think my marriage would work if I went for weeks, months and didn't talk to Stephen? Didn't take time to listen to Him? Probably not very well. But that is what I have done with God. So is it any wonder that I am in this valley? Anyway, this is why I think God wanted me to see this movie and why my reaction was so much stronger and deeper than I thought it would be. Here are the lyrics to the song. The video is on Youtube.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Excellence

I saw this quote from Aristotle on my brother-in-law's refridgerator and something about it hit me. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

So, how do we form a habit of excellence? I would love thoughts on this.