Lately, since having the kids home all the time, I have had quite a few crazy days. Stephen is awesome at letting me have some alone time. He never complains when I go out at night or just have some time by myself at home. Anyway, when the kids are fighting or just playing loudly, I sometimes say, "I could use a vacation, BY MYSELF!" Half-jokingly, because I believe after about two days of that, I would miss my kids terribly.
Well, Claire came to me this morning and told me she had a "terrible nightmare." She said, "Wanna know what it was about?" Sure. She said that we were all at home, but I was going to go live somewhere by myself. She said I asked her if she wanted to come with me, and she kept saying yes over and over. I don't know if that meant I didn't take her or if she didn't get that far in her dream before she woke up. Regardless, she was terrified that I wanted to live by myself in her dream. Then she said, with a huge smile and a relieved tone of voice, "But then I woke up and we are all still here and it didn't really happen."
I have been really bothered by this. I never intended for them to think I didn't want to be here. I explain to them that sometimes Mom needs to have some time by herself to refresh, reconnect with God and that time makes me a better mommy. But I guess sometimes I convey through my tone of voice or the look on my face that I want to be somewhere else.
I don't. I consider my children four of God's GREATEST gifts to me. I love that I get to be at home with them. I love that even the "big kids" get to be here everyday. Even when they are fighting, like right now :) I need to be more aware of how I am coming across to them. I hope this helped someone.