WARNING: VENTING AHEAD
Well, I am struggling. There is a line between being thankful for every little thing I have and still struggling for the situation I find myself in. In light of my last few postings about Copeland Farley, this post will seem trivial. But eventhough I am trying to be grateful, and I have changed, my life is still my life. This is where the struggle comes in.
Because of our current financial situation, Stephen has to ref soccer to make extra money. This isn't something he has a choice about, but something he is doing to keep me from having to work, which I am so thankful for. But this means that he isn't home a lot. He was gone before we got up this morning, on a Saturday. And he won't be able to go to church with us tomorrow. Do you know how hard it is to take four kids to church by yourself? I do it, because I know it is important. But by the time we get home, I am so tired and that just makes me grouchy towards the kids, kind of like I am this morning. I am glad Jordan and Claire are playing soccer; I really am. But most of their games this season are at the same time, so I spend my time running back in forth between fields. Doesn't sound so hard, right? Try doing it with a 2 yr old who doesn't like to walk, or stay off the fields, and a baby and a stroller and a camp chair. Tired yet?
I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Satan is using this time, though, to make me complain. To make me wish I was somewhere else. He is making me mad at Stephen because, eventhough the reffing is work, he enjoys it. So he is getting to do stuff he likes to do and I'm not. Do you see why I am so frustrated? Not that Stephen is getting to do things he enjoys, but that Satan has me mad at him for it. I know Stephen would rather be home playing with the kids. He HATES having to be gone so much. But he is doing all of this for me and our family.
Well, my venting is over for now. At least until I have to get all the kids ready and in the car to get to the fields an hour early for pictures. Life goes on, and eventhough I struggle, I do know how blessed I am.
Remember the Farley's today at 1:00; they are having a memorial service for their baby girl.