WARNING: VENTING AHEAD
Well, I am struggling. There is a line between being thankful for every little thing I have and still struggling for the situation I find myself in. In light of my last few postings about Copeland Farley, this post will seem trivial. But eventhough I am trying to be grateful, and I have changed, my life is still my life. This is where the struggle comes in.
Because of our current financial situation, Stephen has to ref soccer to make extra money. This isn't something he has a choice about, but something he is doing to keep me from having to work, which I am so thankful for. But this means that he isn't home a lot. He was gone before we got up this morning, on a Saturday. And he won't be able to go to church with us tomorrow. Do you know how hard it is to take four kids to church by yourself? I do it, because I know it is important. But by the time we get home, I am so tired and that just makes me grouchy towards the kids, kind of like I am this morning. I am glad Jordan and Claire are playing soccer; I really am. But most of their games this season are at the same time, so I spend my time running back in forth between fields. Doesn't sound so hard, right? Try doing it with a 2 yr old who doesn't like to walk, or stay off the fields, and a baby and a stroller and a camp chair. Tired yet?
I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Satan is using this time, though, to make me complain. To make me wish I was somewhere else. He is making me mad at Stephen because, eventhough the reffing is work, he enjoys it. So he is getting to do stuff he likes to do and I'm not. Do you see why I am so frustrated? Not that Stephen is getting to do things he enjoys, but that Satan has me mad at him for it. I know Stephen would rather be home playing with the kids. He HATES having to be gone so much. But he is doing all of this for me and our family.
Well, my venting is over for now. At least until I have to get all the kids ready and in the car to get to the fields an hour early for pictures. Life goes on, and eventhough I struggle, I do know how blessed I am.
Remember the Farley's today at 1:00; they are having a memorial service for their baby girl.
7 comments:
Hey Elizabeth, Thanks for the comment, and I will tell Amy "hi" for you. Your name sounds familiar to me. I don't know how long you went to Lipscomb, but I went there in 5th grade, and also to the University for a year. You probably recognize Mandy because she also went to Lipscomb for Junior High and a little of High school. Well, glad to meet you through the blogging world!
I know that must be so hard. My husband, Brent, travels for work and I think it's hard with just 2 kids-I can't imagine 4! I'll be praying for you and your family.
"so he is getting to do things he likes to do and I am not"?????
I thought you were being thankful for having four kids? Is that not something you like?
Just wonderin?
To anonymous:
I think the sentiment was that Elizabeth is getting to do things away from her "job" that she enjoys.
Elizabeth loves being with the kids. And she is a fantastic mother. It's just that the demands of being a full time mom for basically 24 hours a day, seven days a week grinds on her. I love Byer's strawberry ice cream but I couldn't eat it at every meal. Her sentiment is that she isn't able to do anything ELSE that she enjoys like I am doing.
CORRECTION
That first sentence should have read:
I think the sentiment was that Elizabeth is NOT getting to do things away from her "job" that she enjoys.
Dear anonymous,
I thank you for your comment. I am going to assume you meant to remind me of my blessings and not be critical. If you look at what I said in the context of the whole post, then I think you answer your own question. Yes, I am thankful beyond words for my four beautiful, healthy children. And yes, I have chosen to be a stay-at-home mom and I wouldn't trade the time I have spent with my children for anything in the world. But that doesn't mean that I am perfect and that doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with the busy-ness of it all. I am not perfect and Satan likes to use my weakness to make me KNOW I am not perfect. But guess what, God's power is made perfect in my weakness. When I am weakest, that is when I am strongest because then God's light can shine through me.
Yes, I am changed. And yes, I am trying every second to realize my blessings. I am thankful for your comment. I just wish you had signed your name. To quote Abigail Bartlet, "Unnamed sources make me crazy. You don't get any cider."
To anonymous, I wish you could see the person you are cutting down. She has a love for her children that goes beyond that of just a "good" mom. She loves her Heavenly Father. She is passionate about learning more about Christ EVERYDAY! She wants to better herself. She wants to be a REAL Christian, not play Christian. She has a heart for someone in need. She wants to be real so when someone thinks she has it all together and can do no wrong, they can look to her and realize even STRONG Christian women have struggles. We aren't perfect and we do struggle. Being real is being real. You don't know who you are talking about. You don't know Elizabeth...
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