Mary and Martha

I am reading a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. It is so good. Last night it was talking about Martha and how she wanted everything to be perfect when Jesus came to her home. She loved Jesus and wanted to shower him with hospitality while he was there. When Mary didn't really care about what the house looked like or how quickly the food was on the table, Martha got frustrated. It wasn't that she didn't also want to be at Jesus' feet. I thought about how that is true in my life. Sometimes, I can feel God calling me to spend time with him, and I say,"OK, I'm coming. Just let me get this load of laundry in the washer and the beds made, and I'll be there." I get so busy with my "ministry" that I miss the relationship.

I do consider being at home and taking care of my family my ministry. I love doing things for them, providing a clean home, clean clothes, dinner on the table, etc. And I do think when I am doing those things that I am also doing them for God. But at the same time, I sometimes think that doing those things defines my relationship with Him. In reality, those things that I do should be the result of my relationship with Him. They should be the overflow. I am learning more and more that the relationship with Him comes first; until that happens, nothing else really matters.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but hopefully it did. My goals for today:
1. Straighten the house
2. Returns at Old Navy
3. Cancel YMCA membership
4. Keep going over my "truth cards" about money
5. Spend time at the feet of Jesus

Have a great day!

Back to reality...

Well, it turns out I didn't have very realistic goals for myself. I didn't have that many, but I just didn't get everything done. The one I did do is play with the kids, and that was the most important one to me anyway. So I still felt good about my day. Luke and I had plenty of cuddle time and the rest of us played games after school/dinner. So all in all it was a pretty good day.

I took Luke to the Discovery Center for the toddler time yesterday morning. I realized that he had never been before, at least not that he remembers. We used to do that stuff right after he was born while Jordan and Claire were still at home, but since they have been in school, we just stay home. So it took him almost the whole time to warm up enough to leave my lap and enjoy the songs, etc. So I will have to make that a regular thing because I think he will really like it. I am also going to find the story times again at the library. I am not sure if I will go to the one here or Smyrna. I didn't really like the one here, but the lady that used to do the storytime in Smyrna is now in Lavergne and I just can't justify driving that far for storytime. Plus Luke would probably fall asleep anyway! I'm rambling.

Today, my goals are laundry (carried over from yesterday), bathroom (also carried over from yesterday), and the kids' room. We will do that one together when they get home. I may also start getting the trash and stuff out of the playroom so I can start organizing that. Becky still has a couple of things here, but they can be moved to a corner until she can get them, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Well, I better get to work so I can have lunch with my hubby! I hope everyone enjoys their day!

Today...

I have several goals today. I hit a low point last night, and without going into a lot of detail about it, I have made these goals.

1. Laundry (I usually do this on Mondays.)
2. Clean my bathroom
3. No T.V. for me or Luke until the kids get home.
4. No computer unless Luke is asleep.
5. Learn how to play with my kids.

When I turned the T.V. off this morning, Luke was already saying, "Mama, show." I thought to myself how sad it was that he didn't know what else to do to fill his day without the television being on. This is the most important thing I will do today. I am not sure I know how to play with them, or if they will even want me to play with them; it will feel pretty new to both of us. But nevertheless, that is my goal.

Thanks for being interested in my journey. It keeps me accountable more than you know. I don't ever want to pretend to be something I am not, and lately, I have found myself doing just that. Why is it so hard to be honest about our struggles? I don't know the answer to that, but I am going to try and not put on my mask. We all struggle, whether it is behind closed doors or not. Why not share our struggles and help each other by letting us know we are not alone? Isn't that what Christ would want from his church? Anyway, that is my two cents for the day.

Today's goal

Yesterday's goal of taking my thoughts captive went okay. I didn't do as well as I wanted, but I didn't fail.

Today it has been a little harder to come up with a goal. Saturdays are hard because we are all home and things tend to get messier on Saturdays. Right now I am doing laundry and making mental lists of things to be done once Becky moves out. She is moving to her apartment today. So, there is so much to do between now and when the baby comes that it is easy to get overwhelmed in this house. It is small, three bedrooms, one bathroom, but it suits us well. I have a huge yard that I love. I think the kids feel at home here. So I just want to make it more organized and functional, so that our day to day life doesn't seem so hectic. I envision a "place for everything and everything in its place" home. I know, hard to do with kids. But we were doing pretty well before, so I think we can get back to that once the space opens up more in the playroom. Anyway, blah blah blah.

I have determined while blogging that today's goal, as Luke is screaming in my ear wanting my attention, is to play with the kids and have a family day. We are going to the basketball game this afternoon. Of course, I will do some cleaning, too, but they are still young enough that they love it when I involve them and make a game out of it. "Let's see how fast you can pick up your 'Scooby' people!" So, we'll see how that goes. Enjoy your Saturday!

One day at a time

I have decided that I need to take things one day at a time on this new journey. I tend to think about everything I need to do all the time, and I end up doing nothing because I get so overwhelmed. Today's goal is to think positive thoughts. Not just positive thoughts, but obedient thoughts.

2 Cor 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

What does it look like to take your thoughts captive? I know a lot of times I will think something about someone or something that I know I shouldn't, but I justify it by not saying it out loud. I think it means to take that thought and say, "No, I am not going to think that way. How would Christ want me to think about this situation? What lie is Satan telling me that allows me to think the way I do?" And then turn that thought into obedience. There are so many areas where my thought life isn't obedient to what I believe.

So, today, this is my goal. Not housework, not getting prepared for baby, not all the other things I need to do, but changing my thoughts. Sure, the other things will get done, but my main focus will be on making my mind obedient so that my actions will come naturally and they won't be forced or fake, but that starts a whole other issue. "I can't think about that right now; I'll think about that tomorrow." Scarlett O'Hara

One day at a time.

The "Proverbs 31 Woman"

I saw this on another blog today and it really spoke to me. I am not sure what version it is from, but I loved this translation.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.The woman to be admired and praised is
the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
Proverbs 31: 17-20, 27-30

There are so many things that I feel like I am not doing right now. Satan knows that and he uses every opportunity to make sure I feel like a failure. But when I read this out of Proverbs, I felt hope. Hope that I can do everything I want to do. Hope that this is not all there is, struggling just to get through the day. I have no doubt that God has called me to be at home and take care of my family as my main job. Some days I wonder why He called me to do this, but I am thankful beyond words that He did. He knew that I was the one to be Jordan, Claire, Luke, and Baby's mom. He knew that whatever I have was meant just to raise them, not anyone else. He knew that Stephen and I were perfect for each other. I am just in awe right now. I have had quite the pity party today, well, the last several days actually. And something about this proverb hit me over the head. This is what I should be about. And with God, I don't have to do any of it on my own.

Weird...

I am in a really weird place today. I can't really explain it, except to say that I have this unsettled feeling. I don't know why. I just feel like there is something I am supposed to be doing. Luke only took an hour of his two hour nap today, so that has thrown me off a bit. I just feel like I am wandering around my house expecting something big to happen. Is someone needing me? Is God calling me? Am I supposed to be doing something for Him and I don't know what it is because I haven't spent any time with him over the last couple of weeks? Anyway, I just can't put my finger on what it is.

I don't have any updates on MeMa today. They had to put a feeding tube in yesterday, so that was somewhat of a setback. She wasn't happy about it. Please keep praying for her. It looks like it will be a long road of recovery. Hope everyone is having a good day.

So much better...

MeMa is doing so much better today. They think she was severely dehydrated from a "bug" she had gotten earlier in the week. They had called their family doctor, but none of them realized just how dehydrated she had gotten. Being 81, it can shut your systems down, be bad mentally, etc. So now that they have gotten a week's worth of fluids back in her system, she is 100% better. Stephen was in there this morning and said she carried on a conversation with him that he knew she wouldn't have been able to do yesterday. She is asking how long she has been in the hospital. I guess it's good she doesn't remember any of her stay, because it would not be pleasant if she did. Anyway, thank you so much for your prayers. They have meant so much to us over the last few days.

Please pray...

Stephen's grandmother, Patricia Shirley, otherwise known as MeMa, is in the hospital. She has been there since Friday and they really don't know what is wrong with her. She is having trouble breathing, very high heart rate, not really all there mentally. She had a surgery this morning to install a filter for a blood clot in her leg. She made it through the surgery, so right now we are just waiting for her to wake up from that to see how she is. It is really touch and go from here. Stephen and his brother left last night and have been at the hospital in Knoxville since about 3:30 this morning.

Stephen's parents divorced when he was 5 years old, and he spent a lot of time with his grandparents during this time. He has always been very close to them. MeMa and PaPa both have been a huge part of his life and mine since I have known them. They have been showing signs of slowing down for a while now, but you still never expect someone who has always been so vital to now be in the hospital. So anyway, please keep them in your prayers today. I will try to update as I have new information. Right now, I am just getting laundry done and things together in case I have to get the kids and head to Knoxville. All this has happened very fast, so it is hard to tell what will happen. Love you all.

Snow Day!

This is what we have been doing this morning! So much fun. I have been at the computer about 100 times over the last few days, but everytime I start to post, I just can't get my thoughts together. I am on a very interesting journey, one that I can't wait to see the result of. I hope to be able to share more over the next few weeks. I hope you have a great day and enjoy the snow! (If you have any.)